I'm so calm right now, it's odd. I should be panicking, but I suppose I did all the panicking I needed a day ago.

I found Anthony. I found Elijah and, as Tony called him, "Scarface", as well.

After I posted my previous entry Scarface came and picked me up. Which really just involved beating me over the head, knocking me out, and carrying me to this abandoned clinic. I remember waking up slowly, head aching and throbbing, and looking around as I realized I had been simply set in the corner of a room. There was nothing in it, just a single working light. That was when the panic and fear set in and I began to hyperventilate and pound on the only door in the room, screaming and hoping someone would hear me somehow.

As it turns out I had been in the janitor's closet. Scarface came, pulling me out by arm and more or less yanking me after him. At the time I was in a daze, unable to talk let alone fight back, and I let him pull me along. He led me to a room- some sort of place that minor medicinal acts could be held in, I suppose. There was a single chair in it, the kind dentist's would use.

Tony was strapped in it. They had bound his hands, ankles, and neck with thick restraining strips. He looked...horrible. The two of them had been torturing him for over a day and there was dried blood covering skin and clothes as well as fresh blood that made me gag from the smell. And then I realized Elijah was standing there. I hadn't seen him since the incident months ago when I had to...cut him open.

He had this friendliest smile on his face, like we were simply greeting each other at the grocery store, and even said hello and asked how I was doing. I couldn't speak at the time and probably looked rather traumatized, so he just gestured for Scarface to sit me down in the corner again. Tony was watching me with his

god

Elijah, he- it still makes me gag to think about it- he pulled his injured eye out. It was in a jar filled with some sort of liquid, floating in it. The socket was empty and red, scarred all around it and oh god it was horrible and

They had been pulling nails too, cutting him where it would hurt the most, carving their own sick versions of tattoos into his skin that will never go away. Scarface apparently gave him a cut running from his injured eye to his ear to "match his own" while Tony had still been screaming in pain from his eye being pulled out. They had punched him and kicked him but done everything they could to keep him in one piece, not broken, and still awake to be in agony for hours in end until that monster would come for him. The room stank of blood, urine and sweat and I began to cry in the corner, just sitting there and being useless.

Elijah, the master surgeon behind Tony still living, said he wanted me to watch as he broke every bone in Tony's body because this was my fault for not killing him when I had the chance. Scarface grabbed my head and forced me to look at my Anthony as Elijah began breaking a finger, and then another, and then another. And Tony was gritting his teeth, trying not to cry out and wheezing for air. He couldn't move or do anything and that was when something inside of me...snapped.

I just...I screamed as loud as I could, startling Scarface and loosening his grip. I twisted away and lunged towards Elijah, shoving him into a counter nearby and cracking his back against it. Then I grabbed one of the knives they had used to carve into my Anthony and I turned in time to stab outward and right into Scarface's throat. We both froze and he gurgled, chocking and trying to push my hands and the knife away. I just twisted it and pulled as hard as I could to the side and it ripped out of his throat and

killed him.

I killed a man last night. I am a murderer.

Elijah ran while I stood there with the bloody knife, watching Scarface's body drop to the floor and blood pool around his head, eyes staring at the ceiling unblinkingly. After a few moments I snapped out of whatever stupor I fell into and numbly freed Tony. We didn't talk. He grabbed a few supplies that Elijah had brought along to patch himself up and we left. I helped him limp back to the car- we were lucky no one stopped us and asked why we were covered in blood. The car was still where we had left it, everything in it. We spent the night there, silent and wiping blood off of ourselves as best as we could, and trying to fix Tony's wounds.

I don't know how to feel at the moment. I don't really feel anything at all. Elijah and Scarface had come for Tony and I to torture us both until that monster arrived to break our minds. They did what Tony had done to so many other runners. I suppose they thought it would be a fitting end to he and I.

He was with me all day and everything seemed fine, but then he started having a bad headache again and so I thought he was going to remember something else. We decided to stay in the car for the night but I woke up early last night and he was gone and

The car door had been left open. I don't know how long he's been gone but I asked around and the store owner across the street says they saw two men hanging around my car and then three leaving together. All I know is that they went left. That's it. That's all I have and Tony could be dead by now oh god what if he is

I'm trying to stay calm, but I have this horrible feeling of being watched and I think I'm next and I can't fight- okay, okay, don't panic. He has that iPhone on him still which belonged to some girl named Amanda Rewin. If I call the service could I track it? Please, I'm out of ideas and I have no idea what to do other than ask around if anyone saw him.

I'm so scared, oh god, I'm scared.

Tony is missing

oh god

We left

Kay's house a few days ago. Sorry I didn't update, things were just very emotional and I didn't honestly feel like posting. Kay, when you read this, good luck. I just saw the update about Maduin and, well, I hope this doesn't bring you more trouble. I want you safe, or as safe as you can be.

As for Tony and I, we're traveling again, never staying in one spot for more than a day, two at the max. He said that Ava might need us to take her to Celie, whom I've never even met but according to him they're good friends. I feel like we aren't getting anywhere. Tony is managing to remember what happened to him in his past, but nothing he's recalled will help us get to Cynthia.

It sounds mean, but it's true.

I just want my daughter back, and I can't even find one measly lead to where she may be. Somehow Robert can find us, with Tony covering our tracks for the most part, but I can't even locate my own child. It's agonizing and everyday that passes I feel like we lose our chance to get her back more and more.

I'm trying to find anything on my Grandmother, but at this point I'm starting to think it was a slip of the tongue on Tony's mothers part, and that I may never find her. Perhaps I'm not meant to do anything? Maybe I'm always going to be unable to help anyone? I'll always be known as that useless mother who lost everything because she can't even think about fighting proxies without tearing up and shaking in fear.

I can't do this. I'm not good at this running thing and I'm even worse at taking care of my family. Tony would be better off without me- if it weren't for me he wouldn't be blind in one eye and remembering such painful things. I don't know what to do anymore.

Take care of yourselves.

-Cathy

So it's been a while since I've posted.

I

things have been hard lately. To the point where it's difficult to post on here. But Tony said I should try and seeing as quite a few things have happened lately...

Tony remembers being in a police station. He said he thinks he was a teenager, and for some reason he's being held there and getting a mug shot and taking prints. He has no idea why, but he wants to have it recorded somewhere so I'm putting it here.

He also told me what Cynthia is doing. She's letting herself go and

I don't want to talk about this.

Robert, we got your letter. Or package, or whatever it is. For anyone who is wondering, Tony and I had taken a rest stop at a motel for the night after sleeping in the car for so long. When I woke up and left the room to get some breakfast, I found a large manila envelope sitting outside our door. "To the Delmonts" was written on the front along with an Operator symbol and a return address to Robert Sagel. On the back "Do not open yet" was written.

Tony opened it anyway, Robert. He wasn't just going to let it sit there.

But all that was inside were a bunch of blank pages. I don't understand what this is supposed to do. Tony is furious that you knew where we were and, let me quote, "Had the balls to leave some mystery bullshit on our doorstep, we don't need this fuckery right now so you can take your problems and shove them up your ass, Robbie."

Sorry he's so...colorful, Robert. But I do have to wonder why you left us that envelope.

Changing subjects, I haven't found any leads on my Grandmother. I'm reaching my wits end and I need to just take a break from all of this, even though I know it's impossible.

Kay...do you think we could possibly come and visit you? It doesn't have to be soon but...it would help, I think.

To everyone else, take care of yourselves.

-Cathy