Thursday, May 19, 2011

We left

Kay's house a few days ago. Sorry I didn't update, things were just very emotional and I didn't honestly feel like posting. Kay, when you read this, good luck. I just saw the update about Maduin and, well, I hope this doesn't bring you more trouble. I want you safe, or as safe as you can be.

As for Tony and I, we're traveling again, never staying in one spot for more than a day, two at the max. He said that Ava might need us to take her to Celie, whom I've never even met but according to him they're good friends. I feel like we aren't getting anywhere. Tony is managing to remember what happened to him in his past, but nothing he's recalled will help us get to Cynthia.

It sounds mean, but it's true.

I just want my daughter back, and I can't even find one measly lead to where she may be. Somehow Robert can find us, with Tony covering our tracks for the most part, but I can't even locate my own child. It's agonizing and everyday that passes I feel like we lose our chance to get her back more and more.

I'm trying to find anything on my Grandmother, but at this point I'm starting to think it was a slip of the tongue on Tony's mothers part, and that I may never find her. Perhaps I'm not meant to do anything? Maybe I'm always going to be unable to help anyone? I'll always be known as that useless mother who lost everything because she can't even think about fighting proxies without tearing up and shaking in fear.

I can't do this. I'm not good at this running thing and I'm even worse at taking care of my family. Tony would be better off without me- if it weren't for me he wouldn't be blind in one eye and remembering such painful things. I don't know what to do anymore.

Take care of yourselves.



  1. Cathy.

    Stop this right now.

    I don't know if you've noticed, but I think Tony would be a lot worse off if he didn't have you to look after... scratch that, if he didn't have you to keep him on track. Furthermore, your daughter is a very resourceful girl. She may be in more danger than any of us care to admit, I'm not going to make light of that... but the danger to her life is not immediate. As long as you have that, there's still a chance.

  2. Cathy none of us are good at this. People shouldn't have to have their lives thrown upside down by a monster out of a horror movie. We're all just doing the best that we can. I'll keep doing my best to stay safe as long as you keep doing yours.

  3. Cathy,

    I've been working on reading the chronicles of a lot of people going through what you're going through, and trust me, people have handled this a lot worse than you have. You're still sane, relatively unharmed, and have people who genuinely care for you, so all in all, you're doing great. Just keep going one step at a time, take deep breathes, and for God's sake, don't forget to relax once in a while. I know it doesn't seem possible, but it'll do wonders.