Okay. Okay I’m calm now. Oh shit, no I’m still crying. God dammit it’s been a couple hours and I’m still jumping at shadows and I can’t stop the tears- alright, I’ll stop talking about that. Okay everything is fine. Just going to tell what happened now.
I-I went to the school. There was some kind of school fair going on so I guess it had ended early. But there were still so many people there- parents, children, friends, and staff. I got lost so easily, I didn’t know who to ask or go to. I guess I was just wandering around looking lost. Everyone was preoccupied with getting their activities done and there was no one to help. I started to panic- it looks like this constant paranoia has given me a fear of crowds and I was scared because I began to think that everyone there was hollowed out.
Right before I had a panic attack, this man…he came up to talk to me. I just
I dated him in college. Elijah Macintire. He went to another college, med school, was going to be a nurse or doctor or something.
At first I was happy to see a familiar face. He acted like he was surprised too, asked me how I was and if I was looking for anything. I said no, I was just checking out the school for my daughter. He answered…”Are you sure don’t want to know where Cynthia is?”
He made me come with him into the school- he threatened to shoot all the kids at the fair and their families and friend and I was so scared and so alone and I didn’t know what to do- I blanked out, I forgot what weapons I had with me and what to do in these situations. He took me to one of the family bathrooms with a gun pressing so lightly against my back like it almost wasn’t there but it was I could’ve died
When he locked us in, Elijah took out this envelope out of his pocket and waved it in my face. Told me that if I wanted it I’d have to come and get it. I don’t know as soon as he did that, everything just snapped back into perspective. I remembered the pepper spray I had in my purse and I managed to get him in the eyes and elbow him. He dropped the envelope and fell and somehow I fell down too and everything starts to become a blur here- he was trying to roll me over and pin me down and he hit me in the face with his gun, but I grabbed the changing station tray and smashed it down onto his head. Somehow, somehow I got the gun from him and I just kept hitting him with it over and over.
It took me a few minutes to realize that he was knocked out and when I did I grabbed the envelope, stuck the gun in my purse and ran out and to my car as fast as I could.
When I got back…I got a look at myself in the mirror…I didn’t look like me at all. I looked so crazy, ready to kill someone. I hate this feeling- I hate what I’m becoming. I just fought a man I was in love with at one point in my life and might have permanently injured him- I could have broken a bone or even killed him! And it’s all for this library card. Yes- that’s all that was in the god damn envelope, a library card from the library I went to when I was in middle school.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and hit something because I’m going insane. This thing is going to drive me crazy before I can get Cynthia back. Or it’s going to turn me into a cold blooded murderer and I don’t want that. Shit, I can’t stop crying.
I have to go right now
Take care of yourselves