My house...

My house is gone. Burned to the ground. I left to get groceries and when I got back...it was too late to save anything. I don't think anyone called the fire department, they were only alerted when the fire alarms went off. That bastard he did this didn't he? But why? Isn't it easier to get someone when they're staying in place? This doesn't make sense, why did he do this?!

...I'm currently staying with my ex-husband's parents. As soon as I called them from the station, they drove over to pick me up. I cried like a baby when I saw them- things have just been so stressful and the house was the last straw. They told me I could stay as long as I needed. I think I'm going to be here for a little bit. Right now I feel very numb, like I'm in shock.

The only good thing that came out of this is the fact that my laptop survived. I had gotten in the habit of carrying it around with me everywhere, or at least leaving it in my car. The notebook did not make it out. I had left it in a drawer in my living room and everything inside the house was burned to a crisp. At least I uploaded those pictures so I have something to show for all of this.

I'm...going to go sleep for a bit. I feel exhausted. The parents still haven't woken up yet- turns out they're late sleepers.

-Cathy

Cynthia's Diary

I already told Ava this in my comment section last post, but I'll repeat what I said. I decided to look in Cynthia's room to see if I could find anything that would help me know why she left or where she went. Up to this point I had avoided her bedroom and really going upstairs in general. I've been sleeping on the couch and just doing everything I could to stay downstairs. But she might have left me something to hint at what I could do, so I went to check.

Carefully examining every inch of her room for several hours payed off- there was a loose floorboard. I think she pried it up somehow to use it as a secret area for what I found: her diary. For the most part it was uneventful. Just normal life and the latest guy she had a crush on. It was...hard to read these parts because less than a week ago things had been normal. A little over halfway through it began to catch up to the date and the entries began to get darker. My suspicions were correct in assuming that Rachel had something to do with this. Apparently Rachel had been followed by this thing for a while and panicked and told Cynthia because she didn't want to deal with it alone anymore. She showed her everything she could- videos, blogs, forums. And because of her Cynthia became aware of the monster that lurks in the shadows.

The last five entries were the worst. I scanned her notebook so that you all could see, so let me see if I can get this working.

Cynthia...I think she believes that this thing is her father, or enough of a father figure that she can trust him. I know this is partially my fault and my husband's, but I had no idea she would become this obsessed with the idea.

And today I called Rachel's parents due to that last entry. Rachel had been missing for a few hours but her parents...they hadn't even noticed until they realized that no one was making them dinner. Yes, they were those kind of parents. The type who don't care about their kid at all unless they're doing what they tell them to do. Police might not have been able to find Cynthia, but they did find Rachel. Her body was recovered in the woods next to the school's field. It had been hung on a tree and her organs had been put in plastic baggies. When I found out...let's just say I was sick for a while.

My daughter is with that very thing that killed this girl so brutally. And I'm starting to think that Cynthia doesn't care that Rachel is dead.

I'm going to change the subject because this is too much to think about right now. The pictures- the first one looks like a bunch of lines, maybe ones? There's an eleven in the corner, so I guess that's what it could be. The second one...I think that's supposed to be Cynthia and I with that thing. I'm not sure who is lying there, but I hope that no one else is actually going to be killed. The third and fourth one have to do with this delusion that she believes. And the fifth...God, that poor girl.

I'm going to end this entry here. I know it may sound like I'm pretty much emotionless at this point, but I'm just trying to stay calm. In truth my nerves are shot and I feel like I'm constantly going to be sick, I'm so nervous. I've been keeping track of the neighbors and no one has ventured over to my house thus far. It does look like everyone has suddenly decided to take up gardening at angles where they can watch my house. Haven't seen him. Whether that's good or bad, I don't know.

I think that's it for now. Stay safe and take care of yourselves. Remember to brush your teeth and take showers and everything (let me be a mom, please. It helps with the anxiety.)

-Cathy

What I've gathered so far.

The symbol, the x in the circle, it was the same thing that Cynthia carved into her arm yesterday. But I'm confused, does it hurt him or draw him closer? I'm not sure what to think anymore. (And, ironically, I looked at my user picture I had before and it had the exact same damn symbol. On pies no less. It's deleted now, but I can't believe I was using that.)

Ava, I checked out the blogs on that TV Tropes page and looked at them. I...Cynthia had posted on The Tutorial. I never even knew. She went to a stranger for help instead of me. I must be a really bad mother if she thought she needed to go to someone else.

Enough moping around. Sorry you guys, it's just hard to stay optimistic in this situation. The police called back and they haven't found anything. My neighbors are still going back and forth between houses or keeping their windows wide open. I've long since pulled the shades, but every once and a while I peek outside to take a look at what's happening. They're watching me, I think. This doesn't make sense, because in all the accounts I read today, there's maybe one or two people who might follow a victim. Not a whole neighborhood (albeit a small one, but a neighborhood nonetheless). I haven't seen even a glimpse of him ever since the dream, so I guess that's a good sign.

I know I'm in danger. Apparently staying in place is the wrong thing to do. But she might come back and I need to be here if she does. I'm only going to run if I absolutely have to, which means nothing short than being attacked by these..."proxies".

And before anyone decides to tell me I'm being stupid, I do have ways to defend myself. I may be a thirty five year old mom, but hell if I don't know how to swing a baseball bat or cut quickly and efficiently with a knife. I don't want to have to resort to violence, but I'm not going to let myself get taken, or whatever it was that Cynthia was saying would happen.

I have to wonder why it is he's so interested in Cynthia and I. Apparently some of these people saw this monster when they were younger, and Cynthia never even mentioned any kind of imaginary friend or something of the like when she was a little girl. It seems odd that he would suddenly come for her now, when she wasn't even aware of him before. Hell, I didn't even know about him until now...

I guess that's it for now. Does anyone have any advice for how to handle him if he does come around tonight?

-Cathy

Title

She's gone.

I...I woke up this morning in the middle of her school's field. I don't know how I got there. I can't remember anything from yesterday after typing up the blog entry. When I got home I called the police. They're investigating right now to see if they can find her, but I don't think they will this time.

It's a sunny day. The temperature is perfect. I hate it.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm going to find you. I promise. I will look forever if I have to.

-Cathy

To all of you who tried to warn me and I refused to believe, well, I'm believing now. Sometime during yesterday and this morning I had a dream and I saw this tall...thing in it. I think it knows me. You all mentioned that it was the thing after us the whole time. I want to know everything. Please.

sorry

i have to go now Mommy. bye bye i love you.

we'll come back for you soon. and then we'll be together forever.

sleep tight. don't let the bed bugs bite.

Help me

I woke up at six this morning to Cynthia screaming she was downstairs carving some symbol into her arm- how did she find the knives I hid them- she was crying and crying and crying and

I thought I saw something behind her but when I blinked the shadow was gone. I stopped her from hurting herself and cleaned her up, but when I tried to call the hospital, police, someone the phones were dead. I don't know why the internet is working. Cynthia is in the fetal position and mumbling about it being time to go and she doesn't want to leave without me.

I...when I tried to leave the house to take her myself, I blacked out. Cynthia apparently pulled me back inside because I collapsed on the front steps. Every single time I go near the front or back door, or even a window, my head starts to hurt so much it feels like I'm going to start bleeding from my ears.

I know you all will say I should have listened or something. But what was I supposed to believe? It's been less than a week and I'm trapped in my own house with a daughter who may try to hurt herself or me, and apparently some psycho-something is coming to kill us both or take my daughter away. I don't think...I'm not sure if I'm going to be alive by tomorrow. God I'm starting to cry, wonderful. What a great mom I am. If I die, I need you all...I think that Cynthia might live. She made it back the first time from whatever happened and I think she can do it again. So if I die, please promise me to look for her. Find her, help her, take her away from whatever this person or thing is.

The signal is shrinking- shit, I don't have much time.

Thank you for everything

-Ca

The Tapes.

They reviewed the tapes. The police, I mean. Apparently everything looks normal, they even see Cynthia leave her classroom and head to her locker to put her backpack inside. She...turns and smiles at the camera like she knew where it was and holds out her hand. They noticed that there's this shadow that emerges when she does this and then the tape just goes crazy for two whole minutes. Every single camera in the school broke. The office ladies don't remember who came to pick Cynthia up, and her teacher said that they called her to come to the front desk to check out. They didn't even remember her leaving.

It gets worse. Apparently while they watched this tape, the television it was played on made these horrible noises, even though there's no audio on security cameras. At the end of the tape, it flickers just enough to show her opening the back doors that lead to the playground and then the television broke. When they managed to get the tape out, the footage was apparently wiped clean- when they reviewed it again, the distortion didn't even play. It just ends right as the shadow starts to appear.

I think...I'm going crazy.

I took Cynthia to the doctor's and she acted fine. When the man asked how she had injured herself, she said her finger slipped while she was washing dishes. I couldn't tell him otherwise. When I tried, the words caught in my throat. She even joked about how clumsy she was. She didn't need stitches, luckily, it just needed to be cleaned and she got a batman bandaid for her trouble.

She's watching television again. I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. I tried calling the neighbors. No one picked up. I feel so alone right now. I wish my husband was still alive so that I could have someone to help me through this.

And this is going to sound crazy but I think that




I'm going to watch a movie with Cynthia now. She's calling for me. She says she wants to talk to you all. Okay.

-Cathy

Something is wrong.

I think...I think that Cynthia saw something when she went missing. She keeps looking out the windows as if she's trying to spot someone- I  think it's the stalker but I never saw anyone. Even so, I called the police to tell them, but I did it while Cynthia wasn't around. She's not herself right now and I don't think she wants the police involved in this mess, but I need some kind of authority nearby to ensure that this won't happen again.

Today when I walked into the kitchen Cynthia was...staring out the window over the sink and running her finger along the blade of the biggest knife we own to cut fruit up. She had cut herself deeply and I think she might need stitches. I'm going to try and convince her to come with me to doctor's, but when I first mentioned it she told me, "No. No doctor's. No police. Just me and you, Mommy."

Her eyes looked frantic and so I agreed, but if I have to drag her to the car, I will. The neighbors haven't come around to see what's going on, which bothers me a little as well. Usually when something happens in this area, even small things, everyone wants to know what's going on. I don't think I've even seen anyone since yesterday morning other than the cops. It makes me uneasy- I feel like something big is about to happen but I don't know what.

And...I saw the last post Cynthia wrote.

Guys I just really don't know

Nevermind. Currently I'm sitting in the living room with Cynthia and writing this up on the laptop while we watch sci-fi. They're playing some low budget movie, but she wanted to watch it, so I let her. I just want her to act normal again. She keeps glancing over at me and I get this horrible queasy feeling, like I'm doing something she doesn't want and it scares me. This is my eleven year old daughter, I should not be afraid of her. She's probably traumatized by what happened and can't find the words to talk about it.

I've been unable to sleep lately too. Ever since about Sunday, I had these vivid dream- it's the same one every time. So I've been opting to sleep as little as possible and watch Cynthia instead. I accidentally passed out earlier, but I woke up a little while after and she was watching the television.

The police are going to call me and tell me what they found later today. I had to call the person who offered me a job and cancel my interview. They understood and agreed to let me try again whenever all of this blew past, so at least that's one good thing that's happened.

I'll probably update again tonight after the police call.

-Cathy

Mommy's asleep right now.

she wore herself out last night, didn't she? i love my Mommy. she's always been there for me when daddy wasn't. i hate daddy. but it's okay because He promised me that Mommy and i will be together forever once She remembers.

all of you are saying that He is mean, i don't understand. He's my friend, He says He loves me. He says he loves Mommy. He's sad that Mommy doesn't know who He is but said not to worry. She Will Remember Soon.

i love my Mommy.

rock a bye baby on the t r e e t o p s
when the wind b l o w s the cradle will rock
when the bough b r e a k s the cradle will fall
and down will come baby Mommy and a l l

sssshhh She's sleeping. 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

They found her.

Oh god they found her thank you god thank you thank you thank you

I'm going to try and make this quick. The police found her sitting in the park and swinging on one of the swings. Apparently she was singing rock-a-bye-baby or something similar and acting as though she hadn't been missing for several hours. When they tried to ask her where the man was that took her she didn't answer. Just laughed. But they brought my baby home and she's okay.

I was...I had looked around the entire neighborhood because it's so small, lapped it twice in fact. And when I circled back to my house again I just...broke. Started to cry like a baby on my front lawn in the dark, curled up into a ball and pleaded to the Lord to bring her back. What I was feeling was something along the lines of my whole world falling apart. My daughter, my little girl, my flesh and blood, had been taken by a stranger for several hours. That that CREEP might have hurt her- hell, we don't know yet if everything is alright because she won't answer any questions about what happened during that time.

When they brought her back she began to cry too, fell into my arms and wailed about how I couldn't come with her now and she wished that we could go as a family, that it wasn't fair.

I know I should be happy that she's back, and I am. I feel exhausted, I need to go curl up on the sofa with her, make her favorite food and watch a movie. But she's acting so odd. After the police left (promising to come back tomorrow and see if she was feeling better enough to talk) she just went up to her room. She left the door open, but still...

I don't know. Maybe I'm just paranoid. She's actually calling for me right now, so I have to go.

Thank you to those of you who posted, I'll try and reply later tonight. It's nice to see people banding together when someone is in trouble, and it touches my heart, I promise.

-Cathy

She's missing.

Cynthia didn't come home from school. Or rather, I went to go pick her up and the ladies in the office told me that she had another adult come and get her. Jesus- they can't remember who came to pick her up! They let her walk off with some stranger without making any kind of fuss and no one has any recollection of seeing her walk out!

Oh god, oh god, oh god

I called the police as soon as I heard that. They're looking for her right now and they've been looking since four o' clock. They told me to stay home in case she came back, but I need to go look for her.

What if that stalker took my baby away and I never see her aga

Okay. No. I'm calming down. I'm going to go look around the neighborhood and see if I can find anything. I'm going to find her. The police are going to find her. Everything is going to be okay.

I'm uneasy

I go in for my job interview tomorrow, but somehow that doesn't look very nice anymore. Cynthia...she wrote that post last night when I fell asleep. I didn't mean to, but the night before, when she woke up screaming, I didn't sleep a wink and I was just so exhausted.

I regret going to bed now.

There is something wrong with my daughter, something she hasn't told me. Today I let her stay home from school when she asked me because of a conversation we had this morning. She was acting like everything was fine and that there was nothing wrong in the world, and yet she was so pale and shaking the entire time. I'm scared and I'm tempted to call the police, but there isn't enough evidence yet to prove that there might actually be someone following her around. Oh God, what if it's the same man who was stalking Rachel? I'm so scared- apparently he was outside our house last night if her last post is telling the truth.

And that's not even the worst part. Cynthia has been acting...strange, for lack of better words. After I talked to her this morning, she avoided me for the most part. That is, until I turned around from doing laundry and she was standing right behind me and just staring. When I asked her what she was doing, she didn't answer, just continued to stare for a few more seconds before walking off. I would've let it go, if I hadn't noticed after that that she would position herself in opposite rooms or perches to watch me. Never said a word, and she was half hidden for most of her positions. Like she didn't want me to be able to notice she was watching me.

I hate to say it, but I'm getting scared. It's not normal for her to be acting this way. And she has these huge bags under her eyes- I don't know how they formed so quickly! She's...not herself. And I think this has something to do with that man who's been following her. I'm going to try and figure out who it is, so I can end this without things getting worse.

Oh, and I've changed my password. I don't want her getting on this anymore so that maybe she'll talk to me instead of writing crazy things.

Does anyone have an idea of what is going on? Or maybe any suggestions on how to catch this stalker?

-Cathy

What I Saw

hi, it's cynthia again.

i...my mom thinks that i had a nightmare last night. i wish it was one. it would totally make life easier, and i'd probably be okay right now. i don't wanna go to school. i don't wanna see rachel. she's the one who ruined everything. i hate her.

i wish she would get snatched.

He was in my room. watching me sleep. in the corner right next to the door just watching. i'm so scared. god now i'm crying. mom is in bed. i told her i would be fine, and if anything happened i would come and get her. i know i can't tell her anything. she wouldn't understand and i don't want her to.

He's standing outside the window right now, watching me type this. oh god my hands are shaking so bad i cna barely type.

im not a bad girl i promise im a good girl why wont you leave me alone please just leave me alone i cant do this anymore please go away

imagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirlimagoodgirl
ificlosemyeyeshellgetme

mommy i'm scared

Last Night

It was pretty rough. I...don't really know what to think. Cynthia had a nightmare. It wasn't one of the normal wake up sweating in bed ones either. I was woken up around two in the morning to her screaming at the top of her lungs. I panicked and rushed into her room to find her curled in a ball, pressed into the corner of her bed furthest from the doorway and crying.

It took me a few minutes to calm her down enough to ask her what happened. At first she didn't make sense. She was mixing her words up and kept looking around as though she was expecting something to happen. Then she finally managed to speak clearly.

"He was in here, mom. He tried to take me away."

I don't know what to think. I've chalked it all up to being a nightmare because I checked the whole room from top to bottom with Cynthia watching me, and there was no sign of anyone besides her and I being in the small bedroom. The window was still locked, and the door had been closed before I came inside. I don't know what would've caused such a vivid dream, but hopefully it won't happen again.

I ended up staying with Cynthia the rest of the night. She begged me not to leave the room, and I wasn't about to make her stay alone in her room after what just happened. Because of this we ended up skipping church too. When I suggested it this morning, Cynthia looked like she was going to throw up. She's not running a fever, but it's likely that the stress of the situation last night really got to her. Currently she's sitting downstairs with me, watching the television with a blanket wrapped around her. Only her face is visible.

What could have caused her to act in such an extreme manner? With all of these kids going missing I'm worried that maybe Cynthia saw something but didn't say anything until now. It's a crazy notion, but it's the only one I can think of besides school stress. And I really don't think school makes you scream at the top of your lungs about some tall man watching her while she slept.

I'm exhausted but hanging in there. I'm hoping that Cynthia will be okay by tomorrow so she can go to school. I don't want her missing too many classes.

Until next time,
Cathy

That girl...

Before I start let me just say: wow! I have two followers now! Nice to meet you, erm, xnoameix. Hope we get along and hope I can keep this blog from being boring.


Now back the reason for my title. As all of you (all two and whomever may be peeking in) know, Cynthia logged onto my account last night and posted a message after I went to bed. I would be upset, but it doesn't really matter to me. Because of that, I don't think I'm going to change the password. It might even be good for her to log onto this account and rant about the day- it sure makes me feel better to get everything out, and as a teenager I remember life seemed unbearable most of the time. Cynthia is a nice girl, so I think you'll like her.


Well, an update on the animal killer. The police found some kind of big cat roaming through the streets and managed to capture it, and are planning to release it back into the wild. The beast probably accidentally wandered into society and lashed out at anything that scared it (the pets). I'm not quite sure if I feel bad for it, because it did kill three dogs, but at the same time if I was in that situation (and only ran on primal instinct) I'm guessing I would react about the same way. Hopefully there won't be any more problems in this area for a while. The only big crime that's being researched as of now is the disappearances, which I think I mentioned in an earlier post. Some kids- ages ranging from child to older teen- have gone missing. Every time they were last seen in an area where family and at the very least people were, which makes this even more frightening. Cynthia and I have both agreed to lie low and not go anywhere alone, and I've been driving her to and from school for the last couple days.


I just don't get why someone would aim to take children, and what they're doing with them. Police are searching, but for most of them it's been several days, if not weeks since they've vanished.


I wish I could think of something happier to talk about on this blog, it seems that all I do is ramble about how gloomy our city is. Let me think if I have anything more cheerful to say...


Oh! One of the jobs I applied to called back yesterday! They said that there was almost a guarantee of me nabbing a spot on their staff! I'm so happy! Cynthia and I celebrated by driving out to Olive Garden and eating some expensive but delicious noodles and bread sticks. I was so full and in such a good mood I ended up going to bed earlier than usual (hence why Cynthia managed to get on my blog without me knowing).


So I guess the long version short of this post is that even though the city is in a state of chaos, things are starting to look up for Cynthia and I. It's weird because I'm happy and worried at the same time. But, I suppose that's life, isn't it?


Another post soon,
Cathy

Hey guys!

lol omg my mom seriously got a blog? I never thought she actually would!!!!

She worries too much u guys, it's unbeleivable. lol, but i love her for it. ;) She's gonna b so mad when she finds out i made a post!!

Im gonna get off now, mom is in bed shes pretty tired. i think its because she doesn't have a job still. :(

goodnight sweet internet!!!!! -wave-

cynthia <3

Poor Animals

Something has been going around and killing animals.

I don't know who would do something like this, but so far three pets have been murdered in their backyards. It's...horrible. The poor things were ripped to shreds. Police are on the lookout, but right now the biggest thought is that there's some kind of a bear or something similar hunting around the area. It's scary, but we'll be okay. People are making the necessary precautions to ensure that they're safe.

Still haven't heard back. By this point I'm assuming they (meaning the jobs I applied to) have forgotten I even exist, so that means I need to start looking again.

Sorry to be so negative right now you guys, because life really isn't that bad, but things have been sort of building up, I suppose. Just little things that roll together to make one big stress ball, haha...

I'm not sure if anyone will answer, but I'm going to put this question out there anyway. What do you do when you're feeling like thw whole world is out to get you and you can't do anything right?

Sorry for being so depressing. It really is out of character for me, but I don't want to stress Cynthia out because she's finally looking happy.

-Cathy

Average

I told Cynthia what I wrote last night. We had a "moment" and there were tears. Honestly I think we were both just stressed out and taking it out on each other, and I'm glad things are okay now. We ended up watching a movie together and eating a bunch of snacks instead of real food. Some cook I am, haha!

There was one thing that bothered me about a response Cynthia gave to my nagging and wanting to separate she and Rachel. "It's okay mom, you were right."

She wouldn't explain what she meant by that. Just brushed it off by saying that everything is fine and that Rachel was bad news, but she was trying to help her. Obviously I'm worried by this (what exactly is wrong with this girl?) but I've promised to back off and quit hanging over her shoulder, analyzing everything she does. I bet my parents were like that and I bet it drove me crazy. So I'm trying to respect her.

Well, despite my over-the-top worried ramblings, Cynthia went to school looking like the day was perfect, and so I have no reason to keep talking about this subject.

So let's change it!

I tried to contact one of my friends the other day, but it seems her phone number has changed. It's a bit of a bummer because I don't have any other way of talking to her and I don't have many people I can confide in. Oh well, I'll try some of the others later today, I think. I had lunch with my neighbor who I've been pretty good friends with since I moved into this area. She was in a bit of a hurry today though, so I had to leave rather quickly. Since then I've come home and cleaned the bathrooms (haha, oh the dreaded toilet!).

I wish there was something else for me to do, but at the moment it seems that most of the neighborhood is busy and no one really has time to spare. I hardly ever see the kids playing outside anymore either. Though, that may have to do with some children having gone missing over the past few weeks. It's scary to think that some kids can be snatched up right under their parents noses, isn't it? I know I'm too paranoid to loose Cynthia, but some parents take their eyes off of their kids for too long and then they're gone. It's horrible (which is an understatement).

Crime has always been pretty bad in the city I live though, so this isn't anything unusual. People here just learn to deal with it and move on. Most of the time a person can live a perfectly normal, happy life as long as they stay away from the shadier areas. (Which Cynthia and I do, thankfully)

Still waiting to hear back from jobs. I think this means I probably won't get anything.

Oh well. Today has been pretty average as most days go. I'll update if I hear back from anyone. Hope everyone is enjoying their day!

-Cathy

When I was a kid

Oh my, I have a follower! Amazing, I'm not simply talking to air anymore! Nice to meet you, Chase! I'll try not to sound as boring as I have been lately, haha.

Switching topics, I wanted to mention that I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I've been too hard on Cynthia and Rachel. I was reminiscing, and while I can't remember most of my childhood, I can remember how I was when I was a teenager. I was influenced by all sorts of "bad kids" and did some things that I'm not proud of.

I remember this one time that my friends and I got, well, drunk pretty bad one night (and of course we were underage and also couldn't hold our alcohol at all). One of my friend's suggested truth or dare and everyone had been more or less up for dares at this point. When it got to me, they told me to sneak into this abandoned house that was only a car ride away. Of course I told them I wasn't going to go alone- I was the baby of the group, I guess you could say and this building was in the middle of the woods- so they agreed to go with me. The house was where a kindly old man had lived before he had been murdered in his room. No one went near that place because it was rumored to be haunted.

Well, when we arrived, we began to spray paint the inside, coating the walls with alcohol-induced pictures and giggling like school girls the whole time. I suppose we thought we were the baddest, most dangerous people alive at that moment. Of course it wasn't true, and as soon as we began to hear "odd noises" (AKA- animals, the wind blowing through the trees, and old wood creaking) we high tailed it out of there. We were so stupid that night, I'm almost disappointed the police never found out who did it.

The point of this is that Cynthia is sort of like me when I was younger. I was also very shy and did whatever I could to gain friends. I know she just wants people to accept her, and I've been where she is now. I just don't want her to make the same mistakes I did, because trust me, I made a lot of them. Does it make me a bad mom to push so hard on her? I can see Rachel making her do things she doesn't really want to do, which reminds me of my old friends (whom I haven't heard from in a while). But I think Cynthia has been getting better, and I don't think there was ever really much of a problem in the first place. Just two pre-teen girls hanging out and trying to enjoy life, with an overly paranoid mother analyzing every move too hard.

Changing subjects again because this post is starting to become rather depressing. You can look back at how stupid I was and laugh though! I tend to do the same thing, haha.

Oh yes, I have another recipe! This one is also complex, but I have faith that anyone can make this if they try! After all, soup isn't that hard to prepare.

Minestrone Soup

I do love a nice, hearty bowl of soup on cool winter days.

More soon,
Cathy

Not much to say

Today went well. I slept fine and the normal routine went without any disruptions. Cynthia told me that she's been avoiding Rachel, so that's a definite plus as well. Not to be rude to the girl, but, well, you already know my feelings on this subject. I was busy today though, a couple of the places I applied to responded and there were no openings. This means I only have a few left that could possibly take me, which is a tad daunting, but hopefully it'll work out. My fingers are crossed!

While we wait, how about another recipe? (This one is rather long so I'll link it this time.)

Stuffed Chicken Divan

Looks rather good, doesn't it? I plan on making this soon.

Well, anyway, I'm off for now. More tomorrow!
-Cathy

Today was amazing!

I had the best night's sleep I've had in a very long time and woke up extremely refreshed! I had the nicest dream- it was something like being a kid again and I was playing with my mom and dad back when they were alive. Cynthia was feeling nice this morning too and she looked much better. When I sent her off to school we were both in a good mood, so I think things are looking up.

While she was out I was able to clean and cook dinner while watching some television (so many shows these days are crude, aren't they?). By the time Cynthia came home most everything was done. She did her homework, I checked it, and we sat down to watch a movie and eat. Which reminds me that I have another recipe for you guys! (And this time I'll just write it here.)

Garlic Salmon

INGREDIENTS: 
1 1/2 pounds salmon fillet
salt and pepper to taste
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 sprig fresh dill, chopped
5 slices lemon
5 sprigs fresh dill weed
2 green onions, chopped

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C). Spray two large pieces of aluminum foil with cooking spray.
2. Place salmon fillet on top of one piece of foil. Sprinkle salmon with salt, pepper, garlic and chopped dill. Arrange lemon slices on top of fillet and place a sprig of dill on top of each lemon slice. Sprinkle fillet with chopped scallions.
3. Cover salmon with second piece of foil and pinch together foil to tightly seal. Place on a baking sheet or in a large baking dish.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 20 to 25 minutes, until salmon flakes easily.

And, speaking of cooking, does anyone (oh imaginary viewers of mine) have any favorite cooks? I enjoy Anthony Bourdain - I would marry that man...well, not really. A bad marriage can attest to that, I suppose.

Anyway, didn't mean to derail the subject but my mind kind of goes everywhere at once, haha! Cynthia is going to bed and I'm probably going to sleep soon as well. Maybe I can get another amazing night of rest to make this week absolutely perfect.

Talk to everyone soon,
Cathy

I think everything is okay right now.

Cynthia and I had a sort of argument last night over (you guessed it) Rachel. It involved my daughter losing her temper for the first time in a while, and storming up to her bedroom. The rest of the night was spent alone.

But it seems she's fine this morning. I talked to her when she finally came out of her room and she apologized for yelling at me. She said that she's simply been under a lot of pressure these days. When I asked her what she meant (because school can be very frustrating a good portion of the time and I thought that maybe she'd been dropping behind in a class and not told me) she replied that she was figuring out what to do. So I suppose she might of worked out a solution to either a school-related issue or the Rachel problem. Maybe she'll ask the girl the behave a little bit more nicely?

Well, whatever the case, we had breakfast together, which was pizza that we never ate last night. It feels nice to have her talking to me again and I hope we never fight that hard for a long time. I don't like losing my temper with my child.

I am a bit worried though. I'm not sure if Cynthia slept last night- she's acting like she never went to bed and the bags under her eyes are darker than normal. Perhaps the fight bothered her more than I thought?

Hoping for the best,
Cathy

Cynthia

My eleven year old daughter- she just started middle school and everyone knows that those three years are some of the hardest to face in a child's life because the social hierarchy starts to form. I still remember my experience in those days, and it wasn't a pleasant one, but at least I has some friends to lean on and never felt too alone.

Cynthia, on the other hand, seems to suffer from being extremely anti-social. She's painfully shy and very critical of herself, trying hard to please others so that they'll like her. I've seen the way she acts around other kids her age, and it worries me because I'm not sure how to encourage her to branch out and socialize...I'm not sure if she even wants to. And this is all because of Cynthia's new best friend, Rachel.

Rachel, to put it bluntly, is allowed to dress like some punk-gothic-rocker. I don't know why her parents are okay with this, seeing as she went the whole nine yards with not only clothes, but make-up and "jewelery" as well. Spiked collars, multi-colored dyed hair, black nails and lipstick- all of this seems to make her believe she is better than most everyone else. And I don't mean I gathered this just from her appearance. The way she acts around adults and other kids is appalling. She treats them like they're beneath her, she's rude and cusses. How she learned to act this way makes me wonder if her parents are similar, but I've never seen them.

In short, while I don't like to judge people on how they look, I simply do not want my daughter hanging around with this girl. She's a bad influence.

I'm not sure why Rachel decided to only stick around with Cynthia- though it's more like Cynthia adores Rachel- but I wish she would stay away. I feel like Rachel does something behind everyone's backs because every time I see her she has these dark bags under her eyes that grow between visits and she often looks like she's going to pass out. I think she's been forcing herself to not sleep. Lord knows why, but for some reason this girl doesn't want to close her eyes and even take a nap. One day, when Cynthia brought her over for a visit, I decided to try and offer for her to have some shut eye in our guest bedroom, but she declined saying that if she fell asleep for even a second that, "He would get her".

I was confused, and asked her what she meant, but she shook her head and simply answered, "He comes in while I'm sleeping, so I can't sleep."

I don't know what she meant, but that made me even more certain that something is wrong with this girl and that Cynthia needs to find a new friend. But no matter how much I try and explain my reasoning, Cynthia doesn't seem to want to listen. She seems to think that Rachel is going through something she can help with. I asked her what was wrong with Rachel, and she said some tall man had been stalking her.

I don't know what to do...I'm worried that Cynthia is going to be dragged into something bad. But I don't want to forbid her from seeing Rachel, that would be cruel.

Okay, sorry, end rant/mother worrying post. Though, I don't think anyone reads this. Sorry to suddenly burst out with this, it's just been bothering me for a couple weeks now and yesterday Cynthia came home late from Rachel's house and she didn't even tell me she was going over there.

I don't know. Hopefully things will get better. Until next time,
Cathy

The life of a mother

I've been up since around six thirty, making sure that Cynthia is awake, has everything together for school, that's she's eaten at least a small breakfast, and then that she makes it onto the bus. I'm not sure if every parent does this, but she's still in middle school and so (I like to think) isn't that independent yet.

Anyway, because I've been up for so long simply cleaning the house and running out to get groceries (my one exercise method that I'll ever need), my day has been clearing up to be fantastically open for the rest of the evening. Of course I'll still have to cook dinner...but then maybe I'll order take out because I'm just really not looking forward to making a pot roast for several hours. I'm sure Cynthia wouldn't mind- she enjoys pizza- and I could bake some cookies instead.

Oops, sorry for rambling. As you can see, my life isn't very exciting so there isn't that much to talk about.

Which reminds me- ever since I was a little girl I've always wanted something to happen, you know? Something that would burst into my life and change it, allow me to go on fantastic adventures, I suppose. I don't know...it's a childhood fantasy that I've always kept with me. My mom used to complain that I lived in my daydreams too much, playing more with my imaginary friend than actual people. I guess that that's still somewhat true. If I wanted to, I sometimes think that I should pursue the life of an artist, but then again I can't draw.

Let me tell you, kiddies, life doesn't get any easier as you get older. It stays harsh and hard to handle, but there will be things to help you move along and survive. You'll look back on your younger years and wonder what the hell you were thinking, and wishing that you had done more. It sounds depressing, but then the best thing to remember in that moment is that there's still so much you can do and to look forward instead of back. You can't change the past, trust me. I had to learn that the hard way.

God, I really am depressing sounding, aren't I?

Haha, well, how's about I conclude this mini-rant/summary of how I feel with a favorite recipe of mine- how to make a treacle tart!

....Actually, scratch that, the how-to is rather long so instead I'll link you guys, okay? (Haha, simply talking to my imaginary friend again, aren't I?) If you don't know what a treacle tart is, my user picture (hopefully it's working) shows a few of them in the making!

Anyway, here's the recipe.

Enjoy!
-Cathy

Hello there!

Nice to meet you all (though I doubt that anyone is reading this...and maybe no one ever will.). I suppose this is where I say that my daughter showed me the wonders of the internet and made me make this blog. But honestly, I have kept up with the times and know enough to make an online diary! And it feels nice to have somewhere to come and rant to/talk about my day.
Now, a little about me...my name is Cathy Delmont, and I love to bake (I honestly wish that I could work for a bakery or some sort of restaurant). I'm currently searching for a job. I'm crossing my fingers that one of the places that I sent applications out to will respond positively, but not many are willing to take a woman who doesn't exactly have a nice resume. Well, whatever the case, I have enough money saved up to last for a little while at least.
Anyway, I am a single mother living with my daughter, Cynthia, and am proud to say that we're very close because of this. I don't know what would happen if she wasn't with me.

Wow, reading back over this post is quite depressing- I'll try to be a little more cheerful next time!

Oops, the oven timer just went off, time for me to end this first post and finish preparing dinner. And for those of you who say that a thirty something year old woman is too old for the internet, I beg to differ! No matter how old you get, you always need an outlet, somewhere to unload so that you can keep real life together.

Until tomorrow!

- Cathy