I think...I think that Cynthia saw something when she went missing. She keeps looking out the windows as if she's trying to spot someone- I think it's the stalker but I never saw anyone. Even so, I called the police to tell them, but I did it while Cynthia wasn't around. She's not herself right now and I don't think she wants the police involved in this mess, but I need some kind of authority nearby to ensure that this won't happen again.
Today when I walked into the kitchen Cynthia was...staring out the window over the sink and running her finger along the blade of the biggest knife we own to cut fruit up. She had cut herself deeply and I think she might need stitches. I'm going to try and convince her to come with me to doctor's, but when I first mentioned it she told me, "No. No doctor's. No police. Just me and you, Mommy."
Her eyes looked frantic and so I agreed, but if I have to drag her to the car, I will. The neighbors haven't come around to see what's going on, which bothers me a little as well. Usually when something happens in this area, even small things, everyone wants to know what's going on. I don't think I've even seen anyone since yesterday morning other than the cops. It makes me uneasy- I feel like something big is about to happen but I don't know what.
And...I saw the last post Cynthia wrote.
Guys I just really don't know
Nevermind. Currently I'm sitting in the living room with Cynthia and writing this up on the laptop while we watch sci-fi. They're playing some low budget movie, but she wanted to watch it, so I let her. I just want her to act normal again. She keeps glancing over at me and I get this horrible queasy feeling, like I'm doing something she doesn't want and it scares me. This is my eleven year old daughter, I should not be afraid of her. She's probably traumatized by what happened and can't find the words to talk about it.
I've been unable to sleep lately too. Ever since about Sunday, I had these vivid dream- it's the same one every time. So I've been opting to sleep as little as possible and watch Cynthia instead. I accidentally passed out earlier, but I woke up a little while after and she was watching the television.
The police are going to call me and tell me what they found later today. I had to call the person who offered me a job and cancel my interview. They understood and agreed to let me try again whenever all of this blew past, so at least that's one good thing that's happened.
I'll probably update again tonight after the police call.